But the study gives more weight to the wisdom behind the transition to common physical custody. I hope that one day we will see 50-50 parents as a standard arrangement where children have a lot of access to both parents. Lately, I have been thinking a lot about the best and worst, the care of very young children. When I talk about very young children, I am thinking of infants (about 18 months old) and young children (aged 18 months to 3 years or so). I think one reality is that at the end of the day, one solution is the cause of another problem: of course, the primary caregiver could be the best in an ideal world where there is no concern to prioritize and set long-term needs for children. My personal experience is this: I have a daughter who was the result of a one-night stand and for some reasons she and I never met until recently. I lived all over the world and I felt it was his mother`s choice to educate him, and I shouldn`t try to get out of his life. Since we recently started spending time together, we discussed these things, and she mentioned that her biological father was not around her and posed her a number of problems. The most important are anxiety and depression in their adolescents. Although, since the age of 4 or 5, he has a secondary role as a stepfather.
Now I have a 3yo and her mother, and I separated when she was 1 years old. I was in hand from the beginning, I gave her the bottle, I put her to bed, etc. My 3-year-old had a lot of firsts with me: first cases of illness (while the mother was gone) first wasp sting, etc. and her mother tried a 60/40 (or more) division when she moved, but I put my foot down and we finally agreed on 50/50. The excuse of breastfeeding didn`t work with me, as she was perfectly fine leaving our daughter with me for 5-6 days, when she went on a work trip, etc. (while we were together.) Plus, I go out on Fridays so my daughter doesn`t have to be in daycare five days a week. Anyway, I`m pretty good at model recognition and I`m well aware that my daughter has strong ties to her mother and me and that if we push the lengths of time without one or the other (no matter which one), my daughter lets her know that she misses the other parent and wants to see her. Same thing if she didn`t have enough time with either parent (a night visit is way too short.) The conundrum is thus: legally, if one parent allows the other to be the sole primary caretaker while the children are young, he permanently breaks the bond with the other parent, and B) creates a legal precedent that puts the custody power in the hands of the principal assistant, for better or for worse.
The problem is that not all couples are equal and the legal system is not sufficiently equipped to deal with each case appropriately. I confess that I am not as usual, but I absolutely feel that children can immediately establish a strong bond with THE parents of BOTH and maintain it as long as the parents are willing to work together to minimize the stress of the child by separating. I think there is a greater drawback to either scenario than a 50/50 scenario. I know my daughter will be better off if she has a close relationship with both her parents. It is better to try to agree on custody without going to court. Unfortunately, a trick that some men use to threaten to file a complaint, knowing that it is a woman`s weakness and that by attacking her, she can give up everything to keep her children.